........ A friend of mine who works in the computer industry is convinced that it is only a matter of time before magazines and newspapers are replaced by Internet-based publications. Although I had serious doubts about this viewpoint, I had recently begun to lean towards agreeing with him. As I spent increasing amounts of time surfing the net, I found myself spending more and more time at sites like the Associated Press News, CNN On-Line, and the Boston Globe, and less time reading my local newspaper and the all- too-numerous publications I have been tricked into buying. Maybe he was right!
........ After supper recently I was sitting on the "throne", performing that most basic of human functions, when it suddenly occurred to me that my friend had overlooked some very obvious facts. As I reached for my handy copy of Reader's Digest I thought "What if this magazine was only available on the Internet?". While it may be practical, although somewhat uncomfortable, to write a proposal on your laptop while flying to Chicago on business, the same cannot be said for trying to log on to the internet while juggling the same device on your bare knees in the "john", to say nothing about the obvious danger of electrocution! It would also be so much more distracting from the primary purpose of the visit to this room of the house than merely flipping through a few small pages!
........ Some Marketing 101 knowledge should tell you that a product, among other things, needs to be practical, easy to use, and affordable in order to create demand in the marketplace. I'm sure that an ad campaign promoting the replacement of bathroom magazines with laptop computers would be a unique challenge for even the most experienced of ad agencies! (AOL, though, could perhaps find a market niche here among constipated users who have more time to spend trying to log on). Laptop manufacturers, I'm sure, would also be very reluctant to affix labels to their products warning of the potential dangers. (Attention outhouse owners: DO NOT, under any circumstances, use this device as a replacement for pages of the Sears catalog!).
........ I then started thinking about other times when people enjoy settling in with their favorite reading material. My fiancée Diane, for example, thoroughly enjoys reading while taking a leisurely bath. Although a recent CNN story described technological advances made in creating waterproof computer equipment, my present device joins hair dryers and electric guitars on my top ten list of "no no" toys for the tub! Diane is also of the opinion that the tactile sensation of the paper is certainly more comforting than that of even the most ergonomic keyboard. I happen to enjoy reading in bed and have often been smacked in the head with my favorite paperback that, although extremely interesting, was not able to keep me from falling asleep while reading it at three o'clock in the morning. Even the lightest of portable PC's would probably create a more permanent dent in my forehead than would the heaviest of paperbacks!
........ As a result of much serious thinking, done in that most private of all rooms, I am now firmly convinced that Internet versions of publications will never completely replace hands-on copies. Somehow an on-line copy of a Victoria's Secret catalog just wouldn't be the same! (Unless, of course, it was animated). For those of you, however, who insist on the latest technology in every area of your life, and for whom a $2000 laptop is just as affordable as a $2 publication, the following is a list of accessories that I am sure are in development out there somewhere, or soon will be.