........While running some errands recently, I noticed copies of a computer-generated flyer posted in every establishment I visited. They were everywhere: on the grocery store bulletin board, at the laundromat, in the bank, at the coffee shop, at the convenience store. There were even some stapled 10 feet up telephone poles! They read as follows:
........Let me digress for a moment into my family background in order to explain how my upbringing infused me with the obligation I feel to both my family and my planet to be ever vigilant against a major cause of both deforestation and the landfill crisis .....the wasting of paper. My beloved mother lived every day of her life strictly adhering to her credo of "Waste not, want not". Mom saved everything that could possibly ever be of practical or sentimental value to someone, somewhere, sometime! Sorting through her effects after her death, my brother and I were treated to an archaeological dig into 75 years of family history, overflowing with everything from post cards, our kindergarten scribblings, recipes and rubber bands, to priceless letters from long departed loved ones.
........My aforementioned brother presently manages one of the most highly acclaimed municipal recycling centers in the State of Massachusetts. Besides being a good people-person with great organizational skills, he influences us with a social awareness derived from stints as a food co-op director, an underground newspaper publisher and a natural sourdough bakery manager, (the 60's live!). Mom would be pleased to know that both my brother and I are carrying on in the family pack rat tradition, never discarding anything that could possibly be of use to anyone, anywhere. Hopefully this genetic trait will someday provide nostalgia to our own executors, although presently our cluttered basements, garages and attics are a source of both mystery and irritation to them.
........I trust that you now have a clearer understanding of why this poster, a seemingly innocuous piece of paper, set off so many of my alarms. I'm not quite sure what qualifications a person needs in order to be considered a true psychic. During occasional fits of insomnia I do surf past Dionne Warwick and her psychic friends on one of the many "educational" channels provided by my local cable operator at the basic monthly rate. I must admit that when I first heard Miss Warwick's lovely voice many years ago, I knew she was going to be a big star. Does this indicate that I perhaps have budding psychic powers of my own? I think the answer rests solely in the minds of the believers. Nevertheless it would seem to me that if true psychics felt the need to post a notice, only one would be necessary. They would all know where to find it and it would simply read:
........Never being one to rush to judgment, I spent a great deal of time trying to imagine what, if any, other flyer topics would cause a greater waste of natural resources and be more detrimental to the future of our planet. In the end I was able to come up with only one, a flyer announcing an organizational and fund raising meeting for a new political action committee;
........Rest in peace Mom, your eldest son remains ever vigilant!